Parenting is already a tough job, but balancing it with a career adds a whole new level of challenge.
Lisa Ann Butcher, a Registered Clinical Counsellor and the owner of Three Sisters Counselling Inc, has experienced this firsthand.
Dr. Katharine Smart, former President of the Canadian Medical Association and a Pediatrician, also understands the demands that come with juggling professional and parental responsibilities. “I think trying to pursue a career and be a present mom is tough,” Dr. Smart said. “We live in a time where parents have probably never been more involved in their kids’ lives. There's a lot of pressure to be doing everything, and that’s new.”
Lisa agreed, reflecting on how parenting has changed over the years. “When I was younger, my mom wasn't at every single one of my practices, or constantly involved in my decisions,” she said. “Now, there’s this expectation that moms need to be present for everything, and that can be overwhelming.”
The pressure of comparison and mom guilt
One of the biggest struggles working moms face is the guilt of not doing enough.
Whether it’s missing a school event or not making home-cooked meals every night, the pressure to be a perfect mom is immense.
“I had to make an active decision to reject mom guilt,” Dr. Smart shared. “I remember seeing so many women around me being so hard on themselves. But when I stopped and really thought about it, I realized—no, I am a great mom. My kids are loved, they are supported, and I show up for them in the ways that matter.”
Lisa related to this, recalling a moment when her children compared her cooking to another mom’s. “I used to be a good cook when I was a stay-at-home mom, but now with work, I can’t always be that mom. And sometimes that’s hard to accept,” she admitted. “But we need to be kinder to ourselves.”
Finding support and rejecting unrealistic expectations
Another key takeaway? The importance of a strong support network. “We compare ourselves to each other, and sometimes women can be each other's worst critics,” Dr. Smart said. “But finding women who lift you up, who support you rather than tear you down, is so important.”
Lisa shared her own experience of struggling to accept help. “I joined a carpool for the first time this year, and it was eye-opening. I connected with other moms who were in the same boat as me, and it made such a difference. But it took me a long time to realize that I didn’t have to do it all alone.”
Dr. Smart added that teaching kids independence can also lighten the load. “My kids take public transit, they help with laundry—and honestly, that helps them build important life skills. Sometimes we think we have to do everything for them, but that’s not always the best thing.”
Rethinking priorities: Does a perfect home really matter?
Many working moms struggle with keeping up with household responsibilities.
Lisa joked about her never-ending laundry pile, which she admits has always been a struggle. “I once spoke to a nurse who always had a perfectly kept home,” she recalled. “But now that her kids are grown, she regrets prioritizing that over her relationship with them. That really made me think—am I putting energy into the right things?”
Dr. Smart agreed, adding that focusing on perfection is often self-imposed. “I don’t think my kids will remember if the kitchen was spotless. They’ll remember that I picked up ice cream for them after practice, or that we snuggled up for a movie night. Those are the moments that matter.”
Learning to set boundaries and accept limitations
Lisa shared a humorous yet profound moment when her daughter questioned why she wasn’t volunteering at a dance recital like another mom when her kids were tiny. “I looked at my daughter and said, ‘That mom is thriving. Mommy is barely surviving,’” Lisa laughed. “And that’s okay! We need to accept our own limitations and set boundaries. I couldn’t be a backstage volunteer at that time, but that doesn’t make me a bad mom.”
Dr. Smart emphasized the importance of modelling this for children. “We need to show our kids that it’s okay to say no, to have limits, and to not do everything. I’ve noticed that kids today are actually better at setting boundaries for themselves, and that’s something we can learn from them.”
A reminder for working moms: You are enough
Lisa emphasized the importance of being open about these challenges. “I don’t think there’s a single mom out there who hasn’t felt this struggle,” she said. “And if they say they haven’t, I don’t think they’re being honest! We need to be open about these challenges and support each other.”
Dr. Smart offers a final piece of advice: “At the end of the day, your kids don’t need a perfect mom. They need a happy, present mom. And that’s more than enough.
Want to hear more about their experiences and advice? Watch the full video above for deeper insights and empowering takeaways!
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